{"id":3521,"date":"2024-06-15T11:18:38","date_gmt":"2024-06-15T11:18:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/?p=3521"},"modified":"2024-06-15T11:25:13","modified_gmt":"2024-06-15T11:25:13","slug":"the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dangerous Illusion of the Soulmate Myth"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"flex-shrink-0 flex flex-col relative items-end\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"pt-0.5 juice:pt-0\">\n<div class=\"gizmo-bot-avatar flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full juice:h-8 juice:w-8\">Imagine someone telling you that they quit their job to devote themselves entirely to gambling, spending their entire welfare check on <strong>lottery tickets<\/strong> each month. They believe that by simply waiting and hoping, they&#8217;ll eventually win the jackpot and become incredibly rich. Obviously, we wouldn&#8217;t take this person seriously. Yet, in the realm of love, this is more or less what many people do.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"group\/conversation-turn relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\">\n<div class=\"flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3\">\n<div class=\"flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full\">\n<div class=\"min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&amp;]:mt-5 juice:w-full juice:items-end overflow-x-auto gap-2\" dir=\"auto\" data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"b974e82f-4511-48ba-8423-7ba8db91d18e\">\n<div class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 juice:empty:hidden juice:first:pt-[3px]\">\n<div class=\"markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert dark\">\n<p>A recent survey revealed that 60% of Americans believe in the concept of a soulmate. In other words, more than half of the population thinks there&#8217;s someone out there who is a perfect match for them, and that fate will magically bring them together. Perhaps you are among these 60%. Well, I believe it&#8217;s in your best interest to abandon this belief. <strong>Why? Because, in my opinion, the concept of a soulmate is a dangerous myth<\/strong>. It&#8217;s a major cause of male loneliness and general romantic despair that plagues the West. Let&#8217;s explore why this is the case.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#The_Paralyzing_Effect_of_the_Soulmate_Myth\" >The Paralyzing Effect of the Soulmate Myth<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#The_Stagnation_of_Belief\" >The Stagnation of Belief<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#The_Relationship_Trap\" >The Relationship Trap<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#Cutting_the_Losses\" >Cutting the Losses<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#The_Trap_for_Women\" >The Trap for Women<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/the-dangerous-illusion-of-the-soulmate-myth\/#A_Realistic_Approach_to_Love\" >A Realistic Approach to Love<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Paralyzing_Effect_of_the_Soulmate_Myth\"><\/span>The Paralyzing Effect of the Soulmate Myth<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>At the heart of the soulmate myth is the idea that there is one perfect person out there for everyone, and all you have to do is find them. It&#8217;s comforting, but this belief paralyzes you in two different ways. For a single person, it\u2019s like thinking they will win the lottery eventually; they just need to stay passive and they will receive the ultimate reward. There\u2019s no reason to make an effort, step out of their comfort zone, or work on self-improvement. If they go through a series of dates that end after the first meeting or spend every night alone in their apartment, they can rely on the myth of the soulmate. After all, fate has everything planned. One day, they will meet someone who not only meets all their expectations but also loves them for who they truly are.<\/p>\n<p>This mindset means they don&#8217;t need to actively search for a compatible partner since the perfect princess will eventually appear. Furthermore, it discourages self-improvement because if they worked on their flaws or developed new qualities, they wouldn&#8217;t be their true selves. So even if they did meet their soulmate, that person wouldn\u2019t recognize them.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Stagnation_of_Belief\"><\/span>The Stagnation of Belief<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Believing in the soulmate myth causes single men to stagnate without ever developing their qualities, strengths, and personality. For men, this is one of the worst beliefs to adopt because a man&#8217;s value often lies in what is rare: physical fitness through sport, psychological discipline, and economic success through work. To cultivate these values, a man must always be in motion. Therefore, a single man who buys into the soulmate myth does the opposite of what would make him attractive to women. Ironically, the hopeless romantic who believes his soulmate will eventually complete him ends up at the bottom of the preference pyramid for women.<\/p>\n<p>There are many <strong>high-quality women<\/strong>, but they are interested in proactive men, not invisible ones who refuse to self-reflect and improve. The soulmate myth makes you passive and thus condemns you to eternal singleness. This paralysis isn\u2019t reserved just for single men. Even men in relationships can be destructively affected by the soulmate myth.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Relationship_Trap\"><\/span>The Relationship Trap<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>When a man is convinced that there is no chance, even a 0.01% chance, of finding someone else, he sabotages his relationship. Why? Because he becomes entirely dependent on his partner. Dependence in a relationship has its merits; one must be able to rely on their partner in difficult and pleasurable moments. However, the overdose of this belief signals to his partner that he cannot live without her, giving her the power to do whatever she wants in the relationship. If she cheats repeatedly, he is devastated but stays because he believes it\u2019s the best he can get. She knows this and can continue to abuse him without facing any consequences.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em><strong>To Read :<\/strong>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/en\/protecting-your-online-privacy-the-unknown-risks-of-personal-data\/\">Protecting Your Online Privacy: The Unknown Risks of Personal Data<\/a><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>A specific psychological mechanism is at work in people who are mistreated in relationships because they believe they have found their soulmate: the escalation of commitment. This cognitive bias leads people to continue investing in a decision despite negative outcomes. For example, watching a boring movie in a cinema just because you paid for the ticket. You\u2019ve already lost the money, so the best option is to leave and cut your losses. Similarly, in relationships, if you believe your partner is your soulmate, you will continue to invest energy, time, money, and motivation, despite being mistreated.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Cutting_the_Losses\"><\/span>Cutting the Losses<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>The only solution is to cut your losses as soon as you realize you\u2019re wasting your time, much like walking out of a bad movie. The soulmate myth imprisons you in your relationship, causing two forms of paralysis. Don\u2019t think this only happens to fools; even very intelligent, methodical, and rational men can fall for it because they believe relationships have no rules and are guided by irrational myths.<\/p>\n<p>The soulmate myth doesn&#8217;t just affect men. In the survey mentioned earlier, 64% of women believe in it, and 17% are unsure. That means 4 out of 5 women are at risk. For women, too, this illusion causes significant damage. I often discuss female hypergamy in my videos. Social media provides women with a vast selection of potential partners, pushing them to always seek better and discouraging stable relationships.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Trap_for_Women\"><\/span>The Trap for Women<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Imagine a beautiful and <strong>intelligent woman<\/strong> dating a distant man who treats her poorly. He might cheat, but she stays with him because her hypergamous nature is drawn to his dominant traits. Why doesn\u2019t she find someone better who treats her well? She believes she won\u2019t find anyone better, emotionally imprisoning her and making her manipulable. If hypergamy leads her to choose this man, the soulmate myth makes her stay.<\/p>\n<p>If she eventually leaves this toxic relationship, the psychological damage is done, and her next partner will have to deal with the emotional scars. The soulmate myth is one of those dangerous ideas contributing to the great divide between genders in the West. It creates an unattainable ideal based on romantic but irrational ideas, providing a dysfunctional framework for young generations.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"A_Realistic_Approach_to_Love\"><\/span>A Realistic Approach to Love<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Over the years, as belief in the soulmate myth increases, relationships become rarer and more unstable, and singleness rises. According to research cited in the British press, the soulmate myth is a confirmed factor in relationship instability. It\u2019s not just a cause of loneliness; it\u2019s also a consequence. According to American researcher Bradley Onishi, the soulmate myth is a direct result of the contemporary relational nightmare. It promises fulfillment and suggests that isolation and loneliness are temporary, eventually leading to a <strong>&#8220;happily ever after&#8221;<\/strong> with a person who understands us on all levels, protects us, and gives our life extraordinary meaning.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-3513\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/maxresdefault-1-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/maxresdefault-1-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/maxresdefault-1-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/maxresdefault-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.thepilule.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/maxresdefault-1.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>The soulmate myth absorbs all the bad first dates, breakups, disappointed hopes, and integrates them into a story that says, &#8220;<em><strong>One day, it will all fall into place.&#8221;<\/strong><\/em> But if we abandon the soulmate idea, should we give up on love? Of course not. Instead, we should adopt realistic criteria for choosing a partner. Replace illusory criteria with realistic ones. Instead of looking for someone who can read your mind, seek a partner who communicates clearly and kindly.<\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t wait for the perfect person to save you because they don\u2019t exist. Save yourself by confronting reality, revealing your potential, and becoming your best self. This way, you\u2019ll find a compatible partner and be the right person for them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This article explores the popular belief in soulmates and its detrimental effects on romantic relationships and loneliness. It demonstrates how this illusion paralyzes individuals, preventing them from improving themselves and actively seeking compatible partners. By abandoning this myth, people can adopt a more realistic and proactive approach to developing healthy and lasting relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3517,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[145],"tags":[1194,2084,192,2138,229,2137,2136],"class_list":["post-3521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-thais-descufon-en","tag-loneliness","tag-male-loneliness","tag-personal-development","tag-relationship-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-romantic-relationships","tag-soulmate-myth"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v22.6 (Yoast SEO v27.5) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Dangerous Illusion of the Soulmate Myth - The Pilule<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This article explores the popular belief in soulmates and its detrimental effects on romantic relationships and loneliness. 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