Why Do Men No Longer Want to Get Married? Arguments Raised in the Debate

Marriage is declining and taking place later in life. In France, the number of marriages reached its lowest level since 1946 in 2016, according to figures cited in the debate. The average age at marriage is presented as 37 for women and 40 for men. This trend raises a recurring question: why do some men no longer want to get married?

The answers cannot be reduced to a single cause. They involve changing expectations around romantic relationships, the weakening of long-term commitment, women’s economic autonomy, the role of divorce and the way each person assesses the benefits and risks of marriage. Some analyses also stress a perceived imbalance between partners. These interpretations are highly debated, particularly when they claim to portray male or female behaviour as universal reality.

Marriage: far more than a formality for those who see it as a framework for life

For its supporters, marriage is not simply an administrative status. It establishes a promise of commitment, fidelity, financial solidarity and a family project. From this perspective, it provides a stable framework for living together and for the possible arrival of children.

The debate also highlights research associating marriage with several positive indicators, such as health, happiness, wealth and sexual satisfaction. Being single or unmarried is likewise presented as being correlated with a higher mortality risk. However, when these statistical findings are mentioned, they are not enough to demonstrate that marriage alone produces all these effects: the personal, economic and social circumstances of married and unmarried people may differ considerably.

Sociologist Jean Viard used the expression “society of single people” to describe changing ways of life. In this context, the decline of marriage is interpreted by some as the weakening of an institution that encouraged lasting relationships, family life and cooperation within couples.

A commitment that seems less irreversible

One of the most frequently cited explanations concerns changes in divorce. The possibility of dissolving a union without having to establish fault is described as a major turning point in how commitment is perceived. When separation appears more accessible, the promise to remain together for life may seem less credible or less protective to some people.

In the data mentioned, 75% of divorces in France are said to be initiated by women. This figure is used to support the idea that men may anticipate more strongly the risk of a breakup beyond their control. On its own, however, it does not establish the causes of separations or show that the legal initiation of a divorce sums up responsibility for the failure of a relationship.

For some men who hesitate to marry, the issue is therefore not necessarily the idea of life as a couple. It lies in the fear that an emotional, parental and financial investment could become vulnerable in the event of a breakup. Marriage is then seen not as a guarantee of stability, but as a commitment carrying significant uncertainty.

Economic autonomy has changed the terms of couplehood

Since the post-war period, women’s access to work, education and financial independence has profoundly changed attitudes towards marriage. Young women are described as being more highly educated than men and as performing better in the baccalauréat. Contraception has also further separated sexuality from the risk of an unintended pregnancy.

These changes have strengthened the ability to choose to stay, leave or not marry. In a critical reading of contemporary marriage, economic independence removes a constraint that once kept some women in unsatisfying unions. This autonomy is a major gain for individual freedom; it also changes the nature of marriage, which can no longer rest on material dependence.

The issue then becomes one of balance: if two people can live independently from one another, what makes marital commitment desirable and durable for each of them? The answer may lie in a shared project, trust, family protection or the symbolic value of commitment. It cannot be assumed to be the same for every couple.

The feeling of a contract that has become unbalanced

A perspective inspired by evolutionary psychology presents marriage as a compromise between different interests: security and fidelity on one side, lasting access to a relationship and building a family on the other. According to this approach, the institution works when it offers each person more than they could obtain alone.

Critics of modern marriage believe that this compromise is no longer sufficiently advantageous for men. They notably point to fears of losing the relationship with one’s children after a separation, the possible financial consequences of divorce and the absence of any guarantee that the union will last. This feeling may explain why some men take a cautious approach to marriage.

Yet it would be reductive to claim that all men pursue the same interests, or that all women expect the same things from a relationship. Paths vary: some explicitly seek marriage and parenthood, others prefer cohabitation, while others do not want a lasting conjugal life. The same is true for women.

Relationship narratives fuel mistrust

The debate around marriage is often marked by direct opposition between the sexes. Some narratives accuse men of being unable to commit; others portray women as the main beneficiaries of a marriage system that has become unfair. Such generalisations can reinforce mistrust and turn a relationship into a permanent confrontation.

Dating apps, social media, television series and media debates are regularly accused of changing romantic expectations. They may give greater visibility to alternatives, comparisons and outside attention. However, claims that one sex is naturally destined for brief relationships or that the other systematically seeks a partner of higher status are broad interpretations: they are debatable and insufficient to explain the real diversity of behaviour.

The central issue is not to identify a single party responsible for the decline in marriage. Rather, it is to understand why the institution no longer appears to meet the expectations of a growing share of the population convincingly.

What conditions could make marriage attractive again?

For those who wish to defend marriage, the challenge is to restore trust in commitment. This requires both partners to feel respected, protected and recognised within it. Stability cannot rest solely on an abstract promise: it depends on the quality of the relationship, the distribution of responsibilities and the ability to work through conflict.

From the perspective of men who are moving away from marriage, the expectations expressed mainly concern the security of their family investment, preserving their bond with their children and a more balanced perception of the consequences of separation. From the perspective of many women, marriage can only be attractive if it remains compatible with autonomy, safety and equal consideration.

The decline of marriage therefore does not prove that lasting love has disappeared. Rather, it reveals that marital commitment must now justify its value to people who are freer in their choices and more aware of the possible consequences of a breakup. To become desirable again, it must appear as a mutually beneficial project, rather than a constraint or an unbalanced gamble.

FAQ: men’s declining interest in marriage

Why do men marry later?

Marriages are taking place later, with an average age of 40 cited for men in France. This trend may reflect time devoted to education, work, achieving financial stability or building a relationship considered sufficiently solid.

Does divorce alone explain the decline of marriage?

No. The perceived ease of separation and its consequences may fuel hesitation, but the decline of marriage is also part of broader changes: economic autonomy, changing family norms, contraception and a diversity of ways of living as a couple.

Is marriage still useful today?

Its usefulness depends on what partners expect from it. It may be sought as a framework for commitment, solidarity and a family project. It may also be avoided by people who prefer other forms of union or fear the consequences of a separation.